


Dreams

by AleishaDreams



Category: Free!
Genre: I promise this is gonna be a short story, M/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2102925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AleishaDreams/pseuds/AleishaDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are dreams?</p><p>Not everyone knows, but still people love dreaming.</p><p>Makoto Tachibana is a simple guy with a simple life. He lives in a simple town, goes to a simple high school, and makes simple club activities. He’s pretty much content with his simple life, even intend to continue with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

What are dreams?

People tend to think it’s simple to explain – and they are – like, how do we dream? What is the mechanism in our brain that makes us able to dream? What types of dreams there are? How long is a dream? Why do we dream in the first place?

But once somebody start asking

“What for?”

It gets difficult to explain.

“What for?” what? What for do we dream? What for dreams exists? What for people want to dream? What for some people dream even in daylight?

And still, people love dreaming.

Some say it’s because they can feel relaxed in their dreams, others say it’s because a good dream can be the beginning of a good day, and other people say it’s because they can do whatever they want in there.

And it’s here where another question lays.

What for some dreams seem so real?

Some people are happy about this, others not so much.

Some dreams are good; they fill you with hope, love, happiness, and joy.

But some dreams are bad; they fill you with pain, sorrow, sadness, and distress.

The impressive part is that this can happen within the same dream, at the same night. A good dream can turn into a bad one, and vice versa.

In the science of Psychology; the most accepted theories about dreams and their significance are that, first, dreams are memories from the past. Your brain is replaying your memories to keep you entertained while it does its job of regenerating your body and energy for the next day. And second theory: dreams are desires your subconscious knows you have, but you may don’t know it; desires that your conscious think are bad, unacceptable or, simply put, inaccessible. But then…

Why dreams that are supposed to be good make you feel so bad when you wake up?

_._

Makoto Tachibana is a simple guy with a simple life. He lives in a simple town, goes to a simple high school, and makes simple club activities. He’s pretty much content with his simple life, even intend to continue with it, if just for one thing.

He’s in love with his childhood best friend Haruka Nanase.

It wasn’t much of a surprise when he realized that. They’ve been together since forever, it was bound to happen in fact, and he actually can’t remember since when he started to feel like this for the water-lover.

It didn’t matter, anyways.

Because he would never tell.

It would mean a change - and drastic one - a change he wasn’t brave enough to try and confront it. It’s better this way.

A simple life with simple choices.

“But Rei-chan! The dance machine at the Arcade looks so fun! You should come with me!”

It was recess time, so the Iwatobi Swim Club was eating their lunch at their usual place in school, the roof. The local Arcade had just obtained a dance game machine and Nagisa was pestering Rei to accompany him to try it, but the latter wasn’t much attracted to the idea of dancing.

“I said no, Nagisa-kun, we don’t even have the time between school classes and club training. Besides, I need to train to better my time with the butterfly stroke” the newbie concluded with his signature glasses movement.

“Ahhhh! But there is where you are wrong!” Nagisa exclaimed pointing his finger to the sky, and Makoto recognized that tone of voice, he was about to sell his idea like the selling king he is “dancing is a really great form of exercise! Because your body moves all of your muscles” now he was pointing to Rei’s face “and not only that! But you also have to learn coordination while listening the music AND trying to step the correct arrows on the floor! So it’s a training of the brain too! It’s the same as training in water” now he had his hands on his waist, closing his eyes as he lifted his chest proud of his vast knowledge “In the water, you have to coordinate your breathing with your arm and leg movement, isn’t it, Haru-chan?” he asked for confirmation as he pointed his finger to the aforementioned’s face.

“I don’t think about that” Haru replied with his monotonous voice.

“Of course you don’t! Because you have it on your genes!” Nagisa didn’t seem to fall down “but you, Rei-chan, you need it, because you don’t have it in your genes”

“Well, if you put it like that, it actually sound like a good training”

Makoto just smiled with a chuckle. It was obvious what the result of this discussion was gonna be – Nagisa convincing Rei -, he sometimes thinks Rei just argue with Nagisa because he doesn’t know how to say a simple yes.

“Hey, maybe we all should go as a team” Gou said with a smile “we’ve been doing pretty well with the training I designed, so a day of relaxation doesn’t sound so bad!”

“You mean us swimmers have been doing pretty well with the training, Gou-chan!” the blond boy corrected also with a smile, just to be received with a push on the shoulder from the girl.

“I also think is a good idea” Makoto said and then looked at Haru, who was eating his mackerel, as always “what do you think, Haru? Do you wanna go?”

“Sure” was everything he said after seconds of silence.

“Then it’s settled!” Nagisa looked excited and stood up, pointing to the sky “The Iwatobi Swim Club will invade the Arcade this Saturday!”

_._

Makoto was standing alone in his house. No. Was it the school?. No. Wait, it was at the beach, right?. No. The city?. No. The school’s roof?. No. His bedroom?. No.

Then where?

The pool.

Ah, right, at the pool, he was at the pool, that’s right.

Was he wearing his school uniform?. Yes. Was it night?. Yes. Was it cold?. Yes. A lot?. Yes. Was he alone?. No.

He was not alone because he could see someone floating in the water inside the pool.

Were they female?. No. Were they Nagisa?. No. Were they Rei?. No. Were they Rin?. No.

Were they Haru?

Yes.

Obviously.

His skin reflecting the moonlight, making him appear almost like a spirit, floating in the dark water under the starry night. He looked so comfortable with his eyes closed and lips parted, his breathing was so calm you could almost not hear it at all. It was almost like he was part of the water.

Makoto tried to call his friend, to tell him it was cold and he could get sick if he stayed in there. What are they doing here, anyway?. But Haru doesn’t respond, doesn’t even open his eyes, and that made the green-eyed worried.

He was no longer wearing his school uniform, but his swimsuit, and so he threw himself to the water.

The water was cold?. Yes. The water was dark?. Yes. The water hurts?. Yes. Was it hard to breath?. Yes.

When he reached his classmate and took him between his arms, he started to call him again by the other’s name.

Was Haru cold?. Yes. Was Haru not responding?. Yes. Was Haru’s eyes closed? Yes. Was Haru hurt?

I don’t know.

What do you mean you don’t know? You have to know.

I don’t know.

Make a choice.

I don’t want to.

You have to.

But I—

YOU HAVE TO.

_._

Makoto opened his eyes gasping for air. He was on his bed. It had been a dream.

The week passed so fast nobody noticed until it was already weekend. The young man got up from his bed, stretched his arms, and then let go a big yawn. He felt tired.

Even if it was Saturday, he still had to go to school for club activities. It was simple, though, the group took the opportunity to make maintaining to the pool, clean the lockers room, maybe swim a little, and such. The plan was to go to the Arcade after finishing that, and then have a picnic at a close by park – Gou offered herself to make everybody’s lunch so it would have the required nutriments, to Makoto’s disdain -.

After cleaning himself and have a light breakfast, he made his way towards Haru’s house; as always. When he arrived and knocked, he didn’t receive an answer - as always – so he used the already known key to enter. Makoto called his classmate’s name but still not received an answer – as always -, so he went to the bathroom and entered without knocking this time. There he was.

As always.

“Haru, if we don’t speed up, we are gonna be late” the green-eyed boy reminded with a soft smile “and you know how Gou-kun gets whenever we are not in time”

“I’m hungry” Haru didn’t even look at the other. But Makoto was used to this.

“Then let’s go so you can have breakfast”

_._

They got to the school’s pool just in time so Gou didn’t scold them, but still followed them close so they wouldn’t waste any time.

Everybody helped. Rei organized the pool’s material – floaties, swimming tables, and etcetera -. Nagisa mopped the lockers room. Makoto cleaned with the net the pool’s water. And lastly Haru cleaned the sidewalk around the pool. When finished, they had a few swimming laps just so Haru would stay still for the rest of the evening.

“By the way, I invited my brother to the Arcade” Gou said “at first he said he wasn’t interested, but I managed to convince him” a grin appeared on her face while doing a peace sign with her hand.

“Ohhh! So magnificent, Gou-chan!”

“It’s Kou!”

The already known quarrel begun, with Nagisa laughing as he teased Gou even more. They continued to walk towards downtown. Everybody laughing and talking.

Yes.

Makoto really likes this simple life.


	2. Chapter 2

“Look! There is my brother! Brother!”

Gou called him waving her hand in the air with a big wide smile. She seemed really happy to see him. The red-headed swimmer was waiting for them at the Arcade’s entrance, with his hands on his pockets.

“You finally arrived, I was about to leave if you didn’t arrive soon” was the first thing Rin said as soon as the group got near him.

“Brother, don’t be like that! We don’t spend a lot of time together!”

“Ohhhh, Rin is getting scolded by her little sister!” Nagisa teased.

“Shut up, Nagisa!” a faint tint of red was on the other man’s cheeks “anyways, you were so late the dancing machine already has a huge line”

As expected, the dance game machine had a long waiting line at the Arcade. It was a new game in a weekend, after all. The blond boy let go a pessimistic groan.

“Ahhhh, it can’t be! We will have to wait to use it!”

“We could take the opportunity to analyze the other players’ technique to do so” Rei suggested, again with a movement of his glasses.

“Huh? Analyze? EH?! Rei-chan, don’t tell me you’ve never played a dance machine!”

“It’s not like I have the time for it!”

“Can you both just shut up?” Rin looked annoyed.

“How about we play other games meanwhile?” Makoto said “there are plenty to use”

“Yes!” Nagisa agreed “C’mon, Rei-chan, I’ll show you every game there is in here!” he confirmed while taking the aforementioned’s hand and entering the Arcade.

“Oi! Don’t leave us here when you invited us in the first place!” the red-headed followed them, still with his hands on his jeans’ pockets; soon followed by Gou, who was giggling at his brother’s expense.

“Let’s go, Haru” Makoto said, smiling at his friend who simply nodded.

The place itself was relatively big for a small city like theirs. It had tons of games of every theme and category. The dance machine was the hot spot of the day, so the rest of the machines were practically empty.

In that day, they discovered Haru was not only good for drawing and swimming, but also shooter type games; while Rei pretty much sucked in every game, “you’re over analyzing everything, Rei-chan!” Nagisa would say with a loud laugh. On the other hand Gou kicked everyone’s bum on the fighting games.

“You are so good, Gou!” Makoto said impressed after losing a fight against her.

“Yosh! Another victory for Kou Matsuoka!” she lifted her fists in the air with proud and then highfived her older brother.

“Ohh! Everybody, it seems the dance machine is finally free!” the blond boy said pointing at it, running towards it to pick the place “C’mon!”

As said, the machine was free to use. They decided to divide the group on pairs. Nagisa with Rei, Gou with Rin, and Makoto with Haru. The first pair got on the machine and the smaller guy picked the song, one called “Strawberry Rain”.

“What kind of song is it?” Rei questioned.

“I don’t know, Rei-chan, it just sounded yummy” Nagisa smiled picking his cheeks with both his index fingers “By the way, Rei-chan, this game also has a camera or something, you have to copy the little dancer on the screen to win!”

When the song started it became obvious why the name, it was a really happy song with childish music. Something about love at first sight with a strawberry shortcake?

“Oh! Rei is good!” the girl expressed with impression in her face.

“That’s right! His movements are synchronized with the screen’s dancer!” Makoto was as excited as Gou.

“It’s a shame he’s over acting everything and missing every single arrow” Rin said with disbelief on his voice. When the song ended, Nagisa had won for majority of points.

“I don’t get it! It’s dancing! Isn’t dancing supposed to be beautiful?!” the four eyes sounded exasperated with his hands on his head, fretting his hair in dramatic desperation.

“Don’t worry, Rei-chan! You indeed looked beautiful!” the blond affirmed with a smile “almost as beautiful as when you swim the butterfly stroke”

“Really?!”

“As real as aliens in space!” Nagisa gave the other a thumb’s up and a wink.

“There’s no evidence for that!”

“You have to have faith! But now is Mako-chan and Haru-chan’s turn!” he pointed at them “Up you go!”

“I’m having second thoughts about it” Makoto said, with a red blush on his cheeks and a nervous laugh “I’m not that good at dancing and everyone’s watching…”

“That’s because they want to see your muscles moving at the rhythm of the music! Right, Gou-chan?!” he changed his pointing finger towards the girl.

“Yes! Everyone wanna see!” she looked pumped with sparks on her eyes.

“Let’s go, Makoto” Haru finally said, getting on the machine.

“Woohoo! Haru-chan took the initiative!” Nagisa was using his empty hand like a microphone “this looks like a challenge, will Mako-chan take it?! Or will he retreat like ants from water?!”

“Nagisa, you are being too loud and attracting everyone!” the green-eyed’s blushing was deeper. More people had come to see what the fuss was about and started to circle around the dance machine.

“The only way of finishing this is starting it, Mako-chan!” he gave another wink.

Makoto sighed in resignation and got on the machine as well, beside Haruka. He could hear his heart loud and clear on his ears. He was so nervous at people staring at him, at Nagisa still talking and narrating everything.

When the song started, everyone were impressed at Haru’s dancing abilities, as he was getting perfect scores every time. Makoto felt too embarrassed to be able to concentrate, but still did pretty good. 

“Ohhhh!! Incredible!!” Nagisa was honestly excited “Haru-chan is mopping the floor with poor Mako-chan! Don’t give up, Mako-chan!! Who would have guessed Haru-chan is so skilled at this!!”

After the song finished, the result appeared on the machine’s screen, showing Haru’s result winning over Makoto’s for a large score difference. The blond boy approached the water-lover, offering his hand as if he had a mic on it.

“Tell us, winner Haru-chan, how were you able to master this mercilessly game machine?!”

“It’s a little like swimming”

“Ahhhh!! Then I was right?!”

“What?!” Rei started “the other day you sounded like you knew it was a fact!!”

“Rei-chan, you should be used to me over exaggerating”

An exasperated loud scream was heard.

_._

It was the beginning of the sunset when they decided to go to the park and eat their picnic. They chose to sit under a big tree, it was partially alone because people were heading home after spending the day with their loved ones. As said, Gou was the one who cooked all the food, and for everyone’s surprise it didn’t taste protein awful.

They talked and laughed about what was done at the Arcade. Gou won over Rin at the dancing machine and Nagisa obviously took the opportunity to tease him about that.

“So, summer vacation is getting closer by the second, have you decided what are you gonna do?” the girl questioned before taking a bite of a sandwich.

“Oh! That’s right! I’ll probably just spend it at Rei-chan’s house reading manga” said Nagisa, followed by a “why my house?” from Rei.

“I was thinking more of a training program” Gou side-eyed the blond boy with a somewhat judgmental look “we can’t lose time if we wanna get better, right?”

“I agree with Gou, you shouldn’t slack on your training just because it’s vacation” Rin said with a smirk on his face.

“Of course you would agree, Rin-chan, you’re a training-freak just like Gou-chan”

“We could do the training program with no problem” Makoto smiled that pacific smile of his “I mean, we won’t have school to worry about, just homework of course, training in the morning and then do whatever at evening. Right, Haru?”

Makoto knows he sometimes asks confirmation from Haru too much. It’s not because he thinks his classmate is right on everything, but because he sometimes is afraid of Haru feeling segregated, since he doesn’t talk that much in the first place.  

“I would swim all day” the blue-eyed boy answered.

“No one is surprised about that, Haru-chan” Nagisa had a grin in his lips and laughed.

The green-eyed student was secretly glad that their manager had suggested that. That way he would be able of seeing Haru every day even on vacation. It was all he would have, anyways. Makoto was used to the idea of never having anything else with that classmate of his, he was used to the idea of their relationship staying as it was. He knew Haru had a special place for him on his life, he knew he was special for Haru. But he also knew he would never attempt to wander beyond that. They’ve been friends for a long time, since forever, and he would always be with the blue-eyed, as long as he could.

A little sting made its way to his heart.

Makoto knows this simple blissful life couldn’t continue forever. Not with Haru, not with Nagisa, not with Rei, not with anyone. After high school, each of them would have to make a decision of what are they going to do with their lives. Personally, he still didn’t know, not even a clue, but deep down he suspected he didn’t want to think about it because it could mean a life without Haru in his daily life.

_ ._

Makoto was at the school’s pool. It was evening, the sun was about to hide itself behind the sea.

It was so hot.

He could feel the sweat going down his forehead, his arms, his back and chest.

It was ridiculously hot.

He was waiting for his team. For Rei, for Nagisa, for Gou.

For Haru.

Where were they? Didn’t they say to meet up here at…

What time was it? And what time is it right now?

He needs to remember to buy a wrist watch soon.

It was so hot.

His skin was burning under the sun, he could feel a piercing, hot pain on his body.

Wait a minute, is that Haru? On the pool, he’s swimming, right? The water looks so refreshing, so different from standing out of it. Makoto should go, he should go to the water with Haru.

He dipped himself into it with a loud splash. The water was cold and nice on the skin. The calm feeling embraced him as he closed his eyes under the vital liquid. When his lungs started to demand for air, Makoto emerged to the surface and looked for Haru but alas he was no longer on the water, he was outside of the pool; drying himself up with a towel, with his back facing Makoto.

Maybe Haru didn’t see Makoto entering the water.

The green-eyed student swam to the pool’s border and called Haru’s name with a smile, but got no answer. In fact, Haru walked to the changing room and locked himself in. What was happening? Maybe Haru needed to use the bathroom? Maybe he’s getting a shower?

Maybe Makoto should go and see what’s the problem.

When he put his hand on the border to lift himself up, his hands got burned on it, removing them immediately with a painful gasp.

It was so hot.

But he had to go Haru, didn’t he?

But it’s painful.

Haru might need him, right?

But it hurts to walk to him.

Actually, maybe it’s just Makoto wanting to feel important.

No, that isn’t, it’s just that Makoto should help his friend.

Does he even need Makoto’s help?

Maybe. Probably. For sure.

Then Makoto should go.

But if Makoto goes, he might get hurt. It’s so incredibly hot.

Then don’t go.

But I want to see Haru.

Then go.

But I don’t want to get hurt.

Decide what to do, then. You probably are gonna get hurt anyways, the water is getting hot too. Can you feel it? On your skin, on your eyes, on your legs. So hot it hurts.

I don’t know, I can’t. It’s so unbelievably hot.

 Make a choice.

No.

Then stay in there all alone because you didn’t even try to make a difference.

_._

Makoto opened his eyes with the ringing sound of the alarm clock in his ears. So loud and annoying in the head. Makoto sat up on his bed, stretched his arms with a big yawn.

He was so tired.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’ve been looking pretty tired lately, Makoto, you eye-bags are so big I could put tons of strawberries in there”

The blond boy commented to his friend. The Swim Club – minus their manager Gou – was walking out from school, after a whole day of learning and then training in the pool. The sky was a strong orange color because of the sunset. The weather during the day was hot and was only subdued when they had been in the school's pool, but now that it was getting darker and the sun going down, the air started to feel chill in the skin.

"Yeah, I've been having some trouble to sleep" Makoto answered after chuckling softly "I think it's because of the weather, or maybe I'm just too tired" he lied, feeling Haru's stare. Just as he can guess whenever Haru feels bad or anything, he was pretty sure the water-boy could know whenever he, Makoto, lied or didn't feel that good.

He just hoped he could trick Haru this one time.

"While it's true that weather can influence someone's sleep, you still should do something about it, Makoto-senpai. Maybe some relaxation before going to bed?" Rei said with that know-it-all tone of voice of his "it could be reading, a long bath, drink tea, you can research tons of methods on the internet"

"Maybe tea it's my kind of thing, I'll drink some before going to sleep”

They continued to walk until Nagisa and Rei had to go separate ways, saying their good bye. Haru and Makoto kept walking and reached the first boy's house stairs.

"Well, Haru, have a good night" he turned his back to the boy.

"Why aren't you sleeping well?" Makoto stopped in cold. He didn't tricked Haru with his lie.

"What are you talking about?" he continued the lie after looking at his classmate, trying to make the most natural smile he could pull off.

"You said you weren't able to sleep because of the weather or because you are tired" the blue-eyed boy's face and voice was as monotonous as ever, but Makoto could sense the persistence on his voice "but I don't believe you"

Makoto stared for a moment to the other's blue eyes. He knew those eyes very well, he has seen them for a long time and always felt lost in them, but that didn't bother him, on contrary he loved Haru's eyes because they reflected everything that the man was feeling. They were as crystal as the water he loves so much.

"Yes, you're right, Haru. The truth is I don't even know myself" he scratched behind his head with his hand "I mean, I've been having some nightmares, but again, I guess I'm just too tired. That tends to happen, right?"

Now it was Haru's turn to stare, directly into the green eyes with a no expressive face. Almost impossible to read. And Makoto felt how his heart started to beat vigorously under the other's close inspection.

"Ok" the smaller man said "if anything happens, you know you can tell me"

"Of course, Haru, thanks" that actually made his heart glee with joy.

They finally parted ways. The night was now above the swimmer's head and the air got even cooler. Makoto was glad he had such a good friend like Haru, whom he knew he could count on if needed. Of course, he would never tell the nightmares were actually about the blue-eyed himself. Maybe he was having those bad dreams because of the near summer vacation and not seeing his beloved classmate every day, but now that Gou had suggested the summer training and they could meet even then, maybe now the bad dreaming will end.

Or so he hoped.

_._

Days and exams passed, and the summer vacation was on sight just a few days away. All the students were tired and yet excited at the same time, the idea of a free month was so delicious it was everything that kept them from falling exhausted.

"Ok, guys, this is the training program I made for you" the red-headed girl gave them each a piece of paper with numbers and letters.

The Iwatobi Swim Club was at the school's roof, they were eating as usual.

"Perfect and equilibrated, as always, Gou-san" Rei flattered with his characteristic glasses movement.

"Of course! But thanks. Well, as you see on you programs, I decided to let the weekends off so you can rest those days. But on between the week, we'll start at 9 a.m. and finish at 3 p.m., it's two more hours than what we do usually"

"Gou-chan, Gou-chan!" Nagisa lifted his hand, as if he was asking for a turn to talk "What is this of yoga first thing on the morning?"

"I did research and discovered that swimmers should have lots of elasticity on their bodies" she closed her eyes with a determined look "so yoga is the perfect exercise, and not only that, it will also work as a warm-up so the chance of a cramp will minimize"

"You thought of everything, Gou" Makoto replied while reading the program.

"And these are a bunch of examples of meals you can eat for a more balanced diet" Gou handed out another piece of paper to them "I expect you to be diligent about this, and I'm mainly talking about YOU, Nagisa" she glared at him, whom was making an unpleased face.

"I don’t see shortcake in here, Gou-chan" teary pink eyes were adorning his face.

“Of course not! Shortcakes are banned this month! You need to gain sugar from more healthy foods! Like fruit and such”

“But strawberries are fruits!” dramatic tears started to fall from his eyes. Makoto just laughed at the scene. He was glad he would be able to see his friends during summer vacation, he really was.

“Well, anyways, we won’t get bored this month thanks to Gou” the taller student said with a huge smile while revising for a second time both sheets “isn’t it that good, Haru?” he looked at the mentioned, just to find him already staring at him.

“Aren’t you tired, Makoto?” the water-boy questioned “you haven’t been sleeping well”

“Eh? Is that right, Makoto-senpai?” Gou looked worried “if that’s the case, maybe you should relax for a few days on vacation, your swimming time has been excellent lately”

“No, Gou, it’s not necessary!” he waved his hands in front of him, to discard the possibility “I’m fine, I mean, it’s true I haven’t been sleeping well, but I’m sure that’s just temporary. With school out, I bet I’ll get better sleep”

“Mmmmh if you think that’s the case, then it’s ok” the manager replied after a few moments of thinking, with her finger on her chin “but if aren’t able to do it, you must tell me, so we can find a solution to it!”

“Thanks, Gou, I will” Makoto smiled as the girl answered with an “I’m Kou!”

Of course he wouldn’t tell.

He would never tell.

_._

The night was cold and Makoto was walking home with Haru, as usual. They were walking in silence, as usual. They were walking slowly, as usual. It almost looked like they would never get to the blue-eyed’s house. Makoto liked it that way, anyways.

The longer he could stay with Haru the better.

But everything has to end, and so did this walking, when they reached the staircase. The already known staircase that connected the young student’s house to the exterior world. Makoto liked to think of it as a portal to happiness, he knew it was a cheesy thought, but he had it nonetheless. But this time, this exact time, he didn’t feel like getting away from Haru just yet. So he asked if he could go up for a minute, something to drink and have a chit-chat, any excuse would suffice.

Haru didn’t respond, he just continued walking and going upstairs. But Makoto just smiled, knowing his friend well enough to know he was ok with it; so he started to go upstairs too. Again, slowly. Were these stairs this long since before? Maybe he’s tired for real; Gou’s training had been harder than usual after all. He asked Haru about it, how it feels for him, it should be a piece of cake for him, right? Him being so skilled at swimming, surely it was like walking. Easy. Haru was born to do that. Nagisa himself said so. Haru had it on his genes. Unlike him. The green-eyed student could feel the red color on his cheeks getting stronger.

Makoto was so immersed in his talking that he didn’t realize when Haru got so far away.

Were these stairs so long since before?

The taller boy started to jog upstairs in an attempt to reach Haru, but the latter just kept going upstairs and Makoto just couldn’t get to him. When did Haru get so far away? Why did Haru get so far away in the first place?

Were these stairs so long since before?

Haru hasn’t noticed that Makoto was behind him? Maybe he misunderstood the water-boy, maybe he wasn’t expecting his classmate to join him at his house? Maybe Makoto didn’t make himself clear about it? He should call his friend out, right? So Haru realize he’s leaving him behind.

Were these stairs so long since before?

The captain of the club shouted to his classmate by his name but when doing so, he stumbled and started to fall. It all seemed to be on slow motion.

Were these stairs so long since before?

Maybe he should yell at Haru, so he can help Makoto?

But what if it bothers him?

Wait, why would it bother him? Isn’t he Makoto’s friend?

Yes, of course, but Makoto doesn’t want to be a bother.

How would Makoto know if he’s a bother if he doesn’t ask?

And besides, calling back Haru would only make him, Haru, going back and getting him late on his house.

But Makoto needs helps.

Makoto is fine like this.

You aren’t.

Yes, I am.

You don’t decide for yourself but you do it for Haru? What kind of friend are you?

_._

His heart felt a sting pain. As if something had made its way and pierced through his chest. Makoto was lying on his bed. He moved his eyes towards the window and it seemed the sky was still dark.

What time is it, anyways?

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Makoto had expected the nightmares to end now that he was sure he and his friends would be able to meet on vacation. But they didn’t. He tried Rei’s advice and drank tea, read a book, take a long bath and such before sleeping, hoping that would make the bad dreams go away.

But they didn’t.

As days and nights passed, the nightmares continued without rest. Every single night there would be nightmares. And every single one of them was about Haru. And each morning he would notice the water-boy silently staring at him. He knew he looked tired, and he knew that would obviously make his friend worry, but he couldn’t do anything about it.

He would never tell.

“Makoto-senpai, I’m really worried about you” the manager told him. Gou had asked him to sit with her, alone, after practice “it seems you haven’t been sleeping well, are you sure you can continue like this? Today is Friday and the training vacation will start this Monday. You can get some rest if you want” she honestly looked worried.

“I’m sorry for making you worry, Gou-chan” Makoto scratched his face with his finger “but really, I can continue, I won’t let anything stop me from the training vacation. I’m sure this weekend will help me to rest” the girl stared at him for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am”

“Ok, Makoto-senpai, I trust you” she smiled a little. Makoto could see she didn’t believe him that much. He didn’t blame her, though, it was obvious in his face that something was off “Well, let’s go home then! You need lots of rest these two days, so do me a favor and tell the others that tomorrow we won’t practice. See you on Monday, Makoto-senpai” she stood up from her seat and walked to the door, but stopped for a moment “if you need anything, Makoto-senpai, you do know the club is there for you, right?”

The green-eyed man smiled, closing his eyes.

“Of course, Manager”

After meeting with the rest of the team and giving them the news, they went their ways to home. Nagisa wouldn’t stop talking about how excited he was because of the vacation; he would do so much stuff, like reading manga, eat a lot – “you can’t eat a lot, Nagisa, that would be against Gou’s instructions” Rei scolded him – sleep whenever he could and, of course, visit Rei-chan on his house – “why my house?” -.

“So, what are your plans, guys?” the blond boy was walking backwards, in front of his friends, to see them face to face “the training do take a lot of time in the day, it’s a good thing we will finish early, tho”

“I’m not really sure” Makoto started to talk “I’ve just thought of doing the training, nothing else, I guess I’ll take care of Ren and Ran”

“Man, having little siblings must suck” Nagisa said on a groan.

“But Nagisa, you’re a little sibling” the tall student replied laughing.

After a while, Makoto and Haru were all alone going home. They were walking in silence, nothing new about that, until the smaller student talked when they were about to reach the staircase.

“How have you been sleeping?

“Mmm? I’m still having trouble, it’s weird, I’ve tried everything Rei suggested but it didn’t help” he replied with a nervous smile “maybe I’m just too stressed out”

“Why are you stressed out?”

“I don’t know, maybe school, maybe the training” Haruka suddenly stopped walking, making Makoto to do the same “is something wrong, Haru?” but the questioned only stared at him.

“You tell me” the blue-eyed finally answered, his eyes looked full of determination “it’s been almost a month of you don’t sleeping well. You always say it’s nothing to worry about. But we do. Rei, Nagisa, Gou, and me”

Silence invaded the space between the two, whom they were staring at each other. Makoto didn’t know what to do, he was feeling nervous, so nervous his knees were shaking. Of course he knew he was making the others worry, but he couldn’t help it. It has to stay a secret.

“I once told you I was thankful of you for being there for me” the water-boy continued, with a light blush on his cheek as he remembered that episode of their life “and I really do, so I thought-“ his deep blue eyes diverted for a second to later return to look at Makoto’s green eyes “so I thought it was the same for you”

The taller boy wanted to yell.

He wanted to yell so hard.

He wanted to yell that it indeed was the same for him, even more, that Haru was one of the most important people in his life. That he was glad that Haru was there for him. That it hurts him not being able to reciprocate the same way. That he was thankful for Haru worrying about him. That it pains him to see Haru worried about him. That he has loved Haru since forever. That it pains him to never be able to tell him that.

Because he would never tell.

“It’s the same for me, Haru. But really, I can’t control these things” he continued to smile.

He would never, ever tell.

“You can” was everything Haruka said before starting going upstairs.

He was mad and Makoto knew that.

_._

It was 11 p.m. and Makoto hadn’t gone to sleep yet. He was wearing his glasses and sitting on the bed reading a book. A few yawns would make their way into the scene but still he wouldn’t go to sleep. Actually, he didn’t want to go to sleep. He already knew the result of that, so it would be a waste of time to even try. And even worse, he would have a nightmare and feel drained the next morning. He would stay awake the whole weekend and then invent an excuse for his huge bags under his eyes. He didn’t like the idea of partially lying to his friends, but it was a better option than saying the truth.

Suddenly, his cell phone started to peep, a text was received. That weirded the swimmer, who would send him a text so late at night? He grabbed the little machine and opened the message.

_“Are you still awake?”_

It was Haru. Makoto smiled at the little screen.

 _“Yes, why? It’s something wrong?”_ he typed back and sent it. The response was almost immediate.

_“I had a bad dream”_

The green-eyed was a little surprised. A bad dream? It had must be really bad to make Haru text him. He smiled at the irony of the scene.

 _“What happened on the dream?”_ the answer this time didn’t arrive immediately, as if the sender was wondering if he should tell or don’t.

_“You died”_

Those simple words fell on Makoto like cold water. Haru dreamed that he died? What kind of nightmare is that?! A second peep sounded before he could even answer the first one.

_“You died because you didn’t want me to help you”_

The brunette usually knew what Haru was thinking about, but it was harder to do so when the talking was via emotionless texts.

 _“What are you talking about?”_ he asked.

 _“You were drowning in the ocean, and I could have helped you, but you didn’t want my help”_ more cold water on his back _“You said everything was ok, I knew it wasn’t, but you wouldn’t listen”_

Makoto felt so bad and guilty. He had made Haru so worried that now it was he who was nightmares, and about him nonetheless!. He passed one hand through his hair, not sure of what to do with the new information.

A new peep distracted him.

_“Can we meet up?”_

Makoto was standing at the beginning of the stairs that lead towards his classmate’s house. It was a dark night because the sky was full of clouds; nor the stars or the moon were visible. They had agreed to meet in there, the green-eyed teenager knew he would get first there because he didn’t have to change clothes, unlike Haru who was probably on his pajamas – he was sleeping, after all -. After a few minutes, Makoto heard steps coming down from the staircase.

“Haru, hello” the taller boy said when Haru arrived “so you had a nightmare” the blue-eyed boy stared at him for a moment and walked further. Makoto guessed that meant he wanted to be followed, so he complied.

They continued to walk, again in silence. And walked. And walked. And walked. They walked until they reached the beach, where the water-boy stopped and still not looking at the other man, who was standing behind the aforementioned. The sound of the waves was strong, the sea was so dark it felt like looking at the void of the universe, it felt like some kind of monster was there and yet you couldn’t see it, but you definitely could hear; it was like it was expecting you to submerge yourself on it so it could devour you. Makoto started to feel nauseous. Why Haru hasn’t said anything? Why were they at the beach? Why did Haru bring them here?

“You died”

A soft, monotonous voice spoke.

“You died because you wouldn’t let me help you”

Haru finally turned his body to face the brunette.

“Stop acting like the best decision is to not make a decision”

The blue eyes showed anger.

Haru was angry at him.

“I’m sorry, Haru, I—“ but he was interrupted by the other.

“No, you are not sorry. If you were sorry you would do something about it” he started to walk backwards, getting closer to the sea. Makoto’s heart was beating so fast it hurt.

“Haru, stop, don’t go there. It’s danger—“

“Stop” he said as he continued to get closer to the ocean. His feet touched the water “Stop doing nothing”

“Haru, please, don’t do this” his voice was cracking, his hands shaking and he could feel his eyes get teary. A huge knot on his throat made it difficult to breath “come back here, Haru, let’s go ho—“

This time he was interrupted by a huge wave that came from nowhere, eating up whole Haru’s body. So suddenly and wild that Makoto couldn’t do anything and just yelled for his friend. Tears finally going down his face, they felt cold against the wind from the beach.

_._

With a scream he sat up on the bed, sweat all over his body and his breath so heavy it hurts in his chest. He looked everywhere and identified the place as Haru’s house. Why was he there? Where was Haru? Was he ok? What happened after that?!

He got up with a jump and started to look for someone in the house, but it was empty. His hear was running 1000 miles per minute by now.

What the hell just happened?

He heard the front door get open and closed, so he ran to it. And there he was.

Haru with a bag of groceries.

“Is something wrong, Makoto?” the boy asked when he saw the other so agitated “I went to the store for more food, I was out of mack—“

Makoto had run to him and hugged him, hugged so hard it was a little painful. And he was crying, crying so hard he was wetting Haru’s t-shirt.

“I’m sorry, Haru” his voice was full of regret and pain, cracking at each word “I’m so, so sorry, I don’t want to worry you”

Haru didn’t say anything.

He simply hugged back.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Makoto was so confused at what had happened.

He remembers the last time he had talked with Haru, at the stairs in front of his house. But was it really the last time? Why was he on Haru’s house anyways?

The water-boy explained that Makoto himself had asked him if he could stay the night, to which Haru of course said yes. But that he, Makoto, wouldn’t stop talking the training on vacation and reading and talking, it was until 12:00 a.m. that the green-eyed boy had finally fell asleep. The whole night he was restless, though, moving a lot, making noise and sweating; but Haru had decided to not wake him up because he should sleep, even though he had nightmares. When it was morning, the taller student was still asleep and the blue-eyed boy went for supper to have breakfast.

Makoto was speechless.

He had asked Haru if he could stay the night? He didn’t remember that! And it seems he tried so hard to not fall asleep in front of him. Why in the first place he would ask something like that? It’s way too risky.

“You said that maybe you needed a change of space to be able to sleep well” Haru said while chopping mackerel for breakfast. He was wearing his apron “but it seems you didn’t. What did you dream about?”

The brunette was sitting across the little kitchen, on the table, watching Haru’s from behind. He was still wearing his pajamas.

“I don’t really remember” he lied, of course “all I remember was the ocean” well, half-lied.

“That would make sense” was everything Haru replied.

Truth is that Makoto did remember the nightmare clearly, including what dream Haru said to him.

_“Stop acting like the best decision is to not make a decision”_

He had to think about it some more time. The fish started to smell delicious as the other boy was cooking it.

“Hey, Haru, how about we call Nagisa and Rei and go somewhere?” he was smiling, as always.

“You should rest” he finished cooking and served the mackerel with a bowl of rice, placing them in front of Makoto “that’s why Gou decided to give us the weekend”

“Yes, I know, but I—“

“You are gonna rest” he interrupted, taking his bowl and hachis to eat, but then looked at the other boy “you can stay here”

Makoto knew that tone of voice. It wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order.

“… yes, Haru. Thank you”

And they started to eat.

_._

Makoto was so nervous.

Before vacation, it was easier to fake wellness because he didn’t spend the whole day with his friend. But now that Haru has asked him to stay, it was getting harder to make it look like everything was ok. Right now the green-eyed boy was on the bathtub, with his head leaning against the wall, the place was little for him so he had the knees bended.

_“Stop acting like the best decision is to not make a decision”_

What did dream Haru mean with that? Now that he thought about it, almost all the nightmares were kind of like that. A voice telling him to make a choice, to make a decision, to do something. But what? A decision of what and why?. Of all the dreams the last one was the worst; it felt so real it scared the hell out of him. Also it was the only nightmare where dream Haru had talked to him, that Haru looked so active and participative on the dream. It was always Makoto chasing the dream Haru and not being able to reach him.

But this Haru was different.

Maybe that had something to do with everything?

Knocking from the door distracted him from his thought. It was the blue-eyed boy.

“Makoto, are you ok?”

“Yes, Haru! I’m coming out” he had stayed too much time on the water.

He knew his classmate had asked him to stay to supervise him, actually, to try to make him tell him what was happening in his mind. He took a towel and started to dry himself. Haru was worried, he knew that, but he couldn’t do something about, right?

_“No, you are not sorry. If you were sorry you would do something about it”_

Dream Haru’s voice again on his head. It was so clear he almost thought the voice’s owner had entered the bathroom. He sighed and continued to dress himself. When he got out of the room, he put his dirty clothes on a bag – apparently he had even gone to his house for a change of clothes and a bag.

This was so confusing, and worrisome. He didn’t remember anything from last night; his mind was so bad he had started to not distinguish false from reality. He went to the little dinner room and found Haru sitting there, reading something from a little book that he closed the moment Makoto entered the room.

“How do you feel, Makoto?” he asked when the aforementioned sit beside him.

“I’m fine, a little tired, but fine” he did the best smile he could pull off “what were you reading?”

“Nothing important” he responded as pulled away the little book, placing it far from the brunette. Weird.

“So… what do you wanna do, Haru? Now that I’ll spend the day here, we will have to do something or we’ll bore ourselves to death” he tried to laugh naturally but couldn’t when he remembered last night’s dream.

“You have to rest, try to sleep”

“It’s ok, Haru, I don’t need to sleep right now—“

“Sleep”

“I don’t need—“

“Sleep”

“But—“

“Sleep”

Makoto stood up suddenly, still looking at those deep-blue monotonous eyes of his classmate.

“Haru, stop! I already told you I won’t do it!”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t need to!”

“Why?”

The green-eyed started to feel furious. Why was Haru so persistent? Couldn’t he see that Makoto didn’t want to sleep and that’s it?

“I don’t want to sleep, Haru!” he yelled angrily at the other boy and ran away from the place.

_._

He fucked up.

He fucked up so hard.

He was still running, when he realized what he was doing it was already too late to go back and apologize to Haru. He felt so guilty and bad, but also mad at him. He hadn’t sleep well for a month, it’s obvious he would get cranky and mad easily, it already had happened to him before but he didn’t think he would explode like that in front of the water-boy.

He finally stopped running when he reached the top of a hill full of trees and plants. His breathing was out so he bended over to lean his hands on his knees. He was so tired, he practically ran all over the city to get there. His feet felt like fire and his throat like he had ate a whole bowl of sand.

He decided to sit down under a tree’s shadow to regain force. He didn’t know what to do, obviously he had to apologize to Haru but he didn’t know how. He could half-ass a lie again, tell him he’s sensitive because of the bad sleeping.

_“Stop doing nothing”_

There he was again.

Just what the hell does dream Haru mean with that? Doing nothing about what?

_“No, you are not sorry. If you were sorry you would do something about it”_

Of course he’s sorry! He doesn’t like seeing his friends worry so much about him. He covered his face with both of his hand and let go a exasperated groan. All this is driving him crazy. But he couldn’t do anything about it! Because if he did, he would have to tell Haru about he lov—

_“Stop doing nothing”_

The train of thought inside Makoto’s head stopped.

It all seemed so clear now.

So clear it hurt how clear it is.

Maybe – and just maybe – all of this was indeed because Makoto doesn’t do anything.

Maybe – and just maybe – Makoto had a way of stopping all of this.

Maybe – and just maybe – the answer was there the whole time.

Makoto removed his hands from his face, staring at the sea that was visible from the hill he was sitting. He let go a sigh.

He would tell Haru.


	6. Chapter 6

Makoto was standing at the top of a hill, surrounded by trees and plants, he could see the ocean and bay from there. It was a sunny say un August, so it was a pretty hot weather and the air felt uncomfortably warm, even worst because the city was so close to the sea, the saltiness of the wind made it hard breath with freedom. The young student was fretting around and with his hands on his jeans’ pockets, walking on circles.

11:30 a.m.

It’s been three of four days since he had decided to talk with Haru about… well, that situation of Makoto loving him. But he was so nervous he hadn’t have the guts to do so, but yesterday he finally told Haru they had to talk this Saturday, that he would tell him what was going on with him. Haru simply nodded and agreed.

11:40 a.m.

Actually, he had no idea what the hell he would say. He knew what was about but not the exact words, maybe he should have done some rehearse in front of the mirror; that’s how it’s done on television, isn’t it? Don’t be ridiculous, Makoto. This isn’t television. Real life doesn’t work that way. Well, maybe it should.

11:50 a.m.

Makoto could feel his body hot, the sun was merciless that day in particular. He cleaned some sweat from his forehead with his arm. Disgusting. He felt disgusting in this heat, maybe he should have chosen another place and another time to meet, how ridiculous of him to select this place. Why did he even do that?

11:55 a.m.

Shit, he’s been so busy complaining about the heat that he hadn’t thought about what to say! Ok, first, maybe he should remembrance about their childhood together; no, wait, what if Haru asks since when he feels like that? He didn’t really know since when! Maybe somewhere around middle school? Before that? He doesn’t know! It just kind of happened without him noticing! Makoto, wait, don’t lose your cool – what cool?. Ok, the remembrance of childhood is out, he should go straight to the point, no babbling around, no rambling, just tell him he loves him.

12:00 p.m.

“Makoto”

The brunette jumped when he heard a voice behind his back and turned around, discovering the blue-eyed standing there.

“Haru! You’re here!”

“You told me to be here, so here I am” his voice was as monotonous as ever.

“Yes, I know that” Makoto laughed, hoping his nervousness wasn’t obvious.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Uhm, well, you see, the thing is” he was so nervous he felt like barfing, but thankfully the knot on his throat prevented that from happening “we’ve known each other since we were kids, right?” what?! He had decided to NOT talk about childhood! And of course Haru knows they’ve known each other since children. UGH “Well, I mean, you wanted to know what was going on with me, right?” his voice was stuttering with no control “So, I thought I should tell you, since you’ve asked, like, a lot and—“

“Just tell me what you want to tell me” the water-boy interrupted.

“Yeah! I know, I’m babbling. Sorry” he looked at the floor, scratching his head. He had promised himself to not ramble, shit “the truth is, this is difficult to say, Haru, I’m sorry”

He gulped and looked at Haru, directly into those clear blue eyes. His heart beating as if it wanted to run away from his body. He clutched his fists. What was he so afraid of? This guy right in front of him is not only the love of his life, but also his best friend, and he knows him well enough to know that it doesn’t matter what, they’ll be together for as long as they can.

“I love you, Haru, I’ve love you since a lot of time ago, I don’t remember since when because it just happened. But I’m not surprised at all, because you’re one of the most amazing people I’ve known in my whole life, Haru. And I would like an answer from you, and I’ll accept it no matter what is”

Haru stared at him, with no visible change on his face, not even in his eyes. The staring seemed eternal but Makoto was sure it was just mere seconds. Right?

Haru started to walk away from Makoto, who just stood there watching him go.

What is going on?

The taller boy followed him.

“Haru? Didn’t you hear me? Wasn’t I clear? Haru!” it didn’t matter how much he called the other student, he wouldn’t obtain an answer. The major swimmer didn’t even look at him.

What is going on?

Suddenly, Haru started to run away from him.

What is going on?

Makoto started to run faster in order to reach his classmate.

What is going on?

But, somehow Haru is getting faster and faster, so fast Makoto can’t reach him.

What is going on?

He kept calling his friend, but the other just ignored him.

What is going on?

The brunette was running so fast he lost control and tripped, falling into the floor and hitting himself on the forehead. It hurt like shit. He sat on the floor and looked around to find Haru again, but he was gone.

What did just happen?

Maybe…

Maybe he offended Haru? Maybe Haru was mad at him?

Maybe…

Maybe Haru won’t talk to him ever again?

The knot on his throat came back but now bigger. His eyes let drop tears and he covered his face with an arm. Preventing the gasps from going out of his mouth, he clinched his teeth hard enough to hurt him.

What a stupid idea was to tell him.

He should have continue with his plan and never tell him.

It didn’t matter he couldn’t sleep ever again, that was a hundred times better than Haru not being there anymore.

His ears started to ring. An irritating ringing. From where was that ring coming? It was so annoying he had to cover his ears with his hands, but the noise didn’t stop, it actually was getting louder and louder.

“Just stop!” he shouted.

Make it stop.

Please, someone make it stop.

_._

He opened his eyes with his breath heavy. He was drenched on sweat and his bed was a mess, he moved way too much when sleeping. The ringing was still there.

Makoto looked from the corner of his eye the alarm clock on his nightstand; it marked 7:00 a.m.

The ringing continued until the brunette sat up and pushed the off button. He rubbed his eyes with his hands and let go a tired groan. He had to get ready for the training vacation.

It actually has been half a month since Makoto decided to tell Haru what he feels for him.

He hasn’t tell him.

And he continued to have nightmares about it.

The theme was a little different, though. Now in every dream he would confess to Haru, whom somehow escaped from him, not giving a much necessary answer. He felt like he was losing control of his life at this point. The Iwatobi Swim Club members had started to ask him less and less to do better, maybe afraid of him passing out. Even Gou was going easy on him, even if his time was getting worse by the day. It’s not like he wasn’t trying hard enough, in fact maybe he was trying too hard, it’s just that his body was finally giving up.

And not only his body, but his mind too. He knew he had to take everything about the training seriously, but this little voice at the back of his head was always saying he should just give up and stop swimming altogether. Thankfully, he understood it was all because of the lack of sleep and that things would get better once he decided to tell Haru.

The problem was that with all those nightmares about the water-boy disappearing from his life got the better of him. He was actually scared of Haru going away, even if he knew that Haru wouldn’t do that.

Right?

_._

“Makoto-senpai!” the manager ran to him with a bottle on her hands “look, I found this energetic drink on the sports store and I thought maybe you’d like it” she was smiling as she offered the drink.

“Yes, thank you, Gou-chan” he smiled and took the bottle. He knew Gou was giving him that in order to wake him up or at least to try to better his time.

“How have you been sleeping?” she asked, still smiling, with her little notes board against her chest. Of course she would ask him that, every three or four days she asked that.

“Ahhh, you asking makes me feel bad because I only answer the same” he scratched his face with a finger, nervously.

“Mmm, still bad? Have you thought of going to a doctor? Maybe you need some kind of pills?”

“Now that you mention it, I should go to a doctor, thank you, Manager, I’ll go as soon as I can” another lie in his life, he was starting to get good at lying.

“Good! I hope they can help you, Makoto-senpai” she gasped, looking to another side “Nagisa-senpai! Stop pestering Rei-san!”

“It’s him who doesn’t want to let me ride him!” the blond complained on a childish voice.

“That isn’t safe!” the four-eyes replied.

The girl then looked back at Makoto “I have to go, seriously, these kids” she sighed and Makoto had to bite his tongue to stop himself of reminding her that she’s younger than them.

Haru was just getting out of the pool, it was his last lap of the day, and the brunette stared at him from the corner of his eye. He knew if he didn’t do something soon, he would probably die. People can die from not sleeping, right? He wonders how much longer he could manage to survive like this, before his life falling apart because of his sleepy clumsiness.

_._

The brunette and the blue-eyed were walking home, almost arriving.

“You look worse than before” Haru said suddenly.

“Mmm? What are you talking about?”

“You aren’t getting better, are you?”

“No, I’m not, Haru” Makoto chuckled “but I think it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

“And you aren’t going to the doctor, right?” the taller boy was a little surprised, most people thinks that Haru was always on the moon, but he actually was very perceptive.

“Maybe I’ll do it later, I don’t know” he smiled, lying.

“I know you’re lying”

“Of course you know”

Haru stopped walking and Makoto did the same, seeing each other to their eyes. Makoto still smiling, and Haru with his never-changing neutral face.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” the smaller student asked “I know you don’t like it”

“No, I don’t like it”

“Then why?”

Another moment of silence. The brunette looked away to the ocean. The sky was blue, the wind warm and the sun hot as always. So uncomfortable.

“Hey, Haru”

“Yes?”

“We need to talk”


	7. Chapter 7

Today was the day.

Today was the perfect day for this, too.

The sun is shining, the blue sky is clear, it isn’t as hot as other times, the birds were happily singing and the ocean was calm.

Today was the day Makoto would tell Haru he is in love with him.

The green-eyed had asked the water-boy to meet in the morning – that way he wouldn’t stress about it the whole day – at the blue-eyed’s house. And from there they would go to the training session. Makoto was confident with himself this time, it wouldn’t matter what the answer was, he would always love Haru as a friend, and he was sure the other man would be the same. Maybe they wouldn’t be a couple but Makoto was alright with that, he knew he still had a special place on Haru’s heart.

The student was going upstairs to his friend’s house when he almost tripped, but was able to regain his posture.

“Woah that was dangerous” he said to himself.

This was the main reason he had decided to finally confess to his classmate. His health was rapidly decaying as well as his swimming abilities, which would harm the team’s record and performance. But mainly because of himself, he was doing this for himself. He had finally got tired of his passiveness, he was taking matters in his hands and he made a decision for and by himself.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he rang Haru’s doorbell, to his surprise the owner of the house answered the door at the first try.

“Good morning, Makoto” he greeted in his monotonous voice.

“Good morning, Haru” he smiled, closing his eyes “I’m glad you’re up early”

“I’m always up early”

“Ah, right, you just take a lot time to bath” he chuckled and entered the house when his friend moved out of the way.

“Did you have breakfast?” Haru questioned when they got into the little dining room.

“Ah, yes, Haru, you haven’t? You should, go ahead, I’ll just sit over here” and he did.

After a while, the host was eating his breakfast while Makoto talked happily about anything. About how the training was going, about what Ren and Ran are doing, about how hot the weather has been and a lot of other things. He was surprised at how calm he was, thinking about what he was about to do, he almost couldn’t explain himself why the hell he was so hesitant to tell Haru sooner.

“So, what were you going to tell me?” Haru asked when finished eating, cleaning his mouth with a napkin while looking at the other.

“Ah, right” he smiled, proud of himself for being so calm and confident “Well, truth is I do know why I’m having all these nightmares”

“Of course you do”

“Ahhh, I can’t ever trick you, Haru” he said on a sigh, still smiling “you know me so well, it’s amazing. Anyways, the problem about this is that it’s a little hard to say, being honest, that’s why it took me so long to take the courage” the water-boy remained silent, still looking at him “but right now I really don’t understand why it took THAT long” he scratched his face with a finger “it seems ridiculous now, Haru, taking this long for something so simple”

He looked at his friend, who was quiet and staring at him with those clear blue eyes of his, those eyes full of emotion and that reflected everything that Haru didn’t say. Those eyes that Makoto knows so well and learnt to read like an open book. Those eyes that mesmerized him to the point of getting lost in them and not caring about anything else. Since when was he so passionate about this man? Since when did Haru catch him on his net? Since when everything was better when his classmate was around?

Makoto smiled, that smile of his he does every time he was happy with himself and his surroundings, that calm smile he does when everything is going alright, that bright smile he does when the time is right.

“I love you, Haru”

He finally said with a soft voice. Not giving excuses, not giving reasons, not giving anything else. Those simple words were enough for him, those simple words represented and expressed everything that Makoto felt for his friend. And he so hoped all those emotions and feelings could go through these words towards Haru.

The room went silent for what it seemed years, and both boys were staring at each other’s eyes. The brunette started to feel bad, awkward, nervous. Why hasn’t Haru said anything? Have he even blinked? His face was the same as always, as if nothing have had happened.

“We need to get to the training” the water-boy said suddenly, standing up and walking to pick up his sport bag”

“Haru, wait—“ he got up but his classmate was already out of the house.

What was happening?

Makoto remembered the dream he had about Haru running away from him; was this a dream as well? No, it couldn’t be, he felt awake, so awake he almost forgets what sleeping is.

This is actually happening.

Maybe he scared his friend? Coming into his house to declare his love maybe was a bit too much? Maybe he should have not said anything at all? His stomach was hurting so bad, it felt like a huge knot of regret and desperation.

He got out of the house and Haru was already half way downstairs.

“Haru!” he called him and went downstairs, leaping some steps to reach his friend “Haru, wait! We need to talk about this!”

“There’s nothing to talk” Haru didn’t stop nor waited for the other boy.

“Of course we need to talk!” he was walking behind him “I mean, I know what I said might have upset you or something, but I want you to know that everything will be the same!” the water-boy continued to walk, it almost looked like he was ignoring Makoto “we’ll stay friends, I only told you because I thought this was the solution to all these nightmares! You see, all the nightmares were about you, you dying, you igno—“ he cut himself from saying that, because that’s what Haru was doing at this very moment, ignoring him “and… and maybe those nightmares were trying to tell me it was about time I tell you this”

His throat was feeling so dry and his eyes started to sting. The despair in his stomach was moving all around his body like a huge worm, eating him from inside.

“You don’t really have to answer me, Haru” his voice was slightly cracking, he was losing control of himself “we can continue to be friends, as always, nothing will change, Haru, it’s ok” silent tears started to stream from his burning eyes.

Suddenly, Haru stopped walking and, without looking at him, said on his monotonous voice.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go to training today”

And he continued to walk, leaving his classmate behind with an impressed face.

_._

It’s been three days since he had done what he did.

Makoto was laying sideway on his bed, with his face towards the wall, the room was silent and dark because the lights were off and the window curtains closed.

It’s been three days since he had gone to the training.

He was feeling horrible, the worm full of despair continued to crawl inside of him; continuing to eat him, little by little and bite by bite, from inside.

It’s been three days since he was able to sleep.

He was tired, he was exhausted, he was fed up with everything. How was this even possible? Feeling so much and yet feel so empty at the same time?

It’s been three days since Haru told him to go away.

How dumb of him to even believe Haru would want to stay friends. He got arrogant thinking he knew everything there was to know about his friend – ex friend? – it was obvious he was going to react negatively, he got so arrogant thinking it would be ok. Actually, maybe his nightmares weren’t even nightmares at all, maybe they were premonitions about what would happen in case of confessing to Haru. Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him to never ever tell.

His cell phone started to ring, with Nagisa’s childish tune playing, but he didn’t pick it up, he wasn’t in the mood. His friends have tried to reach him, even Gou and Rin, but he didn’t let them get close because he didn’t want them to see him like this.

So destroyed.

He was supposed to be the pillar, isn’t it? Every group of friends has a member like that, isn’t it? The pillar that kept everything and everyone together, and he was failing at being the pillar. It was ironic, tough, because he was the one that caused everything to fall apart, isn’t it?

The cell phone continued to ring, how persistent was Nagisa being.

Now his door was being knocked, maybe Ren and Ran were trying to get in. He had the door locked. Makoto didn’t leave his room unless it was absolutely necessary, to eat and going to the bathroom. It was a good thing that they were on summer vacation, he wasn’t that sure he would get up to go school and have to see Haru there.

Still ringing, how bothersome.

Still knocking, even harder.

He would stay in his room and in his bed for as long as he can, he would stay in that exact same position until he started to feel better. He didn’t even question the fact that maybe he never will feel better, that maybe he would stay like this forever.

Still ringing, still knocking.

His eyes started to close without Makoto’s permission; he was so tired of everything. Wouldn’t it be better to just sleep? Sleep forever, not like dying, but sleep forever so he could see Haru at least in his dreams—I mean, nightmares.

Still ringing, still knocking.

Would be that hard to just sleep forever?

Still ringing, still knocking, now even voices are calling him from behind the door.

His eyes finally closed.

Sleeping forever sure sound nice, isn’t it, Makoto?

The door was broken open.

Just sleep forever, Makoto.

 


	8. Chapter 8

A white roof in a white room. White walls, white floor, white sheets, white lights and the clean and clear smell of chlorine and disinfectant in the cold and unknown air.

Where was he?

His vision was blurry, he couldn’t even open his eyes completely but could hear some voices, they were like noise with no understandable words to be deciphered, they sound so far away like they are just whispers from another dimension.

Where was he?

He tried to move his hands but his body didn’t respond, he was just so tired. So tired and cold. Nonetheless, he looked at what seemed to be the main source of light, a big square on what seemed to be the wall, was it a window?

Where was he?

He opened his mouth but no words came out of it, just a mute gasp. He now realized he was also thirsty. And hungry.

A voice coming from his side - much closer than the other ones – started to talk but even then he couldn’t understand it. What is the voice saying? It sounds exasperated. How annoying.

He closed his eyes again, it’s better this way, anyways. The lights were annoying, the voices were annoying, not being able to move was annoying. Everything seemed so annoying and bothersome and he didn’t have the energy or the patience to deal with all of that.

He just wanted to sleep.

Suddenly his body was moving, more like shaking, and the exasperated voice was there again. How bothersome.

He just wanted to sleep.

“Makoto!”

The voice was clear and sound, as if it was inside his head calling him. And he recognized that voice pretty well, so he slowly opened his eyes and looked to the side - without moving his head an inch – and a yellow blob of something was standing beside him. He just noticed that apparently he was on a bed.

“Mako-chan, it’s me! Nagisa!” the voice continued to talk. Of course he is Nagisa, he already knew that “I’m glad you’re awake!” was his voice cracking? Maybe he’s crying “can you hear me, Mako-chan? Wait, I’ll bring Rei-chan! Don’t fall asleep!” and just like that the yellow blob went away.

Where was he?

He closed his eyes, making a mental note to not fall asleep even if he actually didn’t promise anything of the sorts. He wonders how much time he has left before succumbing to his tiredness. Oh, right, he was hungry and thirsty, he so hoped Nagisa would bring something to eat and drink. But it didn’t matter, he couldn’t even speak.

Voices again. Close to him. He opened his eyes and now two blobs were beside him, the yellow who he recognized as Nagisa and a blue one who he supposed was Rei.

“Rei-chan, look! Mako-chan is awake!” he was moving so much.

“Calm down, Nagisa-kun, this is a hospital!” he yelled on a whisper.

Oh, so he was in the hospital, that makes sense.

“Makoto-senpai, how are you feeling?”

“He can’t talk, Rei-chan, he must be thirsty” yes, he was, thank you “maybe I should buy him a strawberry juice” so classic of Nagisa.

“You can’t just give him that!”

“Rei-chan, shhhh, we are in a hospital” Makoto would laugh if he could “maybe we should bring a nurse?”

“That would be a good idea, Nagisa-kun”

“Yosh! You stay here, Rei-chan, I’ll go for the nurse” and the blob moved away, disappearing in the distance.

“Makoto-senpai, we are glad you’re awake, we were so worried about you” the blob looked like it sat down next to him “do you know what happened?” of course he doesn’t, last thing he remembers is he being on his bedroom “you’ve been sleeping for three days, Makoto-senpai”

“In fact, this is your fourth day on the hospital, Makoto-senpai, and—“ he was interrupted when the yellow blob, accompanied of a white blob, arrived.

“I’m sorry, boys, but I have to ask you to leave the patient” the white blob said with a female voice while checking something next to him “we have to make sure he’s hydrated and have lots of rest, you can come back tomorrow”

“Ok, miss” the yellow blob said with a down voice “don’t worry, Mako-chan, we will be back tomorrow, with everyone else too” the voice now sounded excited.

“Goodbye, Makoto-senpai” the blue blob said and then walked away, followed closely by the yellow one.

“How are you feeling, Makoto-kun?” the female voice was still there “don’t worry, we will take care of you, the doctor will be here soon. Right now I have to ask you to do your best to stay awake, I know you’re tired, but you really need to see the doctor”

He tried to obey the order, to stay awake, but it was so hard. He just wanted to sleep, he was so tired and everything was so annoying, mainly because the nurse insisted on keep talking to prevent him from falling asleep.

So he was at the hospital. The last thing he remembers is being on his bedroom, on the bed, the cell phone ringing with Nagisa’s tune and the door being knocked with so much force. He remembers he was tired back then, as tired as he’s right now. Maybe someone found him on the room, maybe he didn’t respond when they tried to wake him up and maybe that’s why they decided to take him to the hospital, that would make sense.

Another female voice started to talk.

“Makoto-kun, I’m Dr. Higuchi” her voice was so powerful “can you move, Makoto-kun?” she took his hand and moved the wrist up and down, slowly “if you can, try to move your fingers, even a little” thankfully, he was able to do that much, even if it was just the index finger “excellent, Makoto-kun, I know you’re tired but I need you to stay awake, I’m going to ask you some questions, move your finger twice to say no, and just once to say yes, ok?” she looked at the other white blob, she looked like she was writing something.

“Makoto-kun, do you know what happened?” his finger moved twice “you’re at the hospital, you’ve been here for four days” she explained, moving to the other side of the bed and taking his other hand, moving it by the wrist like the previous one “you’ve been sleeping for three days, we concluded you have chronic fatigue, to put it simply. Also, your friends mentioned that this has been going on since almost two months, is that right, Makoto-kun?” moved once.

The blob doctor now went to his legs, taking off the white sheet, lifting one leg and bending it “Can you feel this, Makoto-kun?” moved once “Good. Do you remember what you were doing before coming to the hospital?” moved once. The doctor moved closer to him and took out what it seemed to be a little stick? But with a light on the tip, must be a lamp “I’m going to check your eyes, Makoto-kun” she said while taking his head and pointing the light to his eyes “His eyes don’t respond that well to the light” she concluded and the nurse blob took note “nothing to worry, Makoto-kun, we already checked and your brain seemed alright on the x-ray, you eyes must be tired of so much sleep” she chuckled.

“Now, you told me you remember what you were doing before hospital, right?” he moved his finger once “Are you sure about that?” the doctor stopped touching him and stood next to him “it’s pretty normal for people with chronic fatigue to have memory problems, actually, sometimes they even start to create their own fake memories, Makoto-kun” a moment of silence, in which the student assumed the doctor was staring at him “did you notice your left leg is broken?”

He immediately looked at his legs - he couldn’t see them that well – but now that she mentioned it, he could feel properly only one leg, the other felt like it was sleeping. He moved his finger twice.

“You fell from the stairs, Makoto-kun”

What? When? He doesn’t remember anything about that!

“Outside your house, I’m pretty sure your body just couldn’t take it anymore and just collapsed from the fatigue” another moment of silence “give him some soft food and juice, he needs lots of energy to recover from all this” she surely was talking to the nurse “well, Makoto-kun, I have to go now, but I’ll come back tomorrow, the nurse here will be accompanying you for the rest of the day. Eat all you can and then you can go to sleep. And don’t worry, we will take care of you” then her blob started to move away and disappeared.

“Wait here, Makoto-kun, I’ll bring you some food for you to eat” the other female voice said and then also went away.

Makoto was so confused. When did he break his leg? It must have happened after confessing to Haru, those days were pretty fuzzy, to be honest, like episodes of something happening but he just couldn’t remember everything to save his life – what an ironic time and moment to use that phrase -. He closed his eyes trying to stay awake and remember at the same time. He was so tired everything was like a maze. Which memories were true? And which ones were lies?

He heard the door get opened and closed; the nurse must have come back with the food, thanks heavens because he was dying – another ironic phrase – of hunger.

“Makoto”

His body froze even if he couldn’t move it. That wasn’t the nurse.

“Makoto, are you awake?”

That was Haru.

He didn’t know what to do, his empty stomach was turning into a knot of nerves and his already dry throat was hurting like hell. If he could run away, he would do it.

Haru didn’t say another word, in fact, everything was so silent that the brunette thought that maybe the blue-eyed student went away thinking Makoto was asleep. But Makoto didn’t dare to open his eyes to see if there was a blob next to him. Suddenly more noise, a chair being pulled closer or something like that, and someone sitting on it.

More silence.

His heart was going off without control, it felt like it wanted to go away from his body; was this a symptom of that chronic fatigue the doctor talked about? Makoto doubted it. He was sure it was because of Haru being there. What the hell is he doing, anyways? Haru himself told him to go away but now he was here next to him? Sometimes he couldn’t understand what was going on that boy’s head, to be honest.

The door opened once again, a voice talked.

“Ah, excuse me, but visiting hours almost finish” it was the nurse “and the patient needs lots of rest”

“Yes” Haru simply replied, and his footsteps were heard until they stopped.

“Mmm? Makoto-kun, did you fall asleep?” the nurse called him and Makoto opened his eyes “ah, you’re awake, here, I’ll feed you” she sat on the chair next to him, placing the tray with little plates and bowls in front of him “it’s nice to know you have lots of people who cares about you, Makoto-kun, so you need lots of energy to come back to your life!” she sincerely sounded happy and excited about the idea of the student recovering.

He, on the other hand, wasn’t so excited about it.

 


	9. Chapter 9

To his surprise, Makoto was able to sleep just alright that night. He didn’t dream about anything and he was just happy like that. Not dreaming was way better than having a nightmare in his book – on anyone’s book, he was sure-. He didn’t know what day it was but he also didn’t feel like asking, but the morning passed by without anything out of order. His eyes recovered sight just fine and he didn’t see blobs anymore, but he didn’t try to talk. His family visited him in the afternoon. Ren and Ran were tearing and nagging at him for not taking care of himself, asking if he was alright, if he was bored and a lot of other stuff. His mother didn’t talk much, though, but Makoto could see she was relieved his boy was doing fine.

The brunette felt so overwhelmed.

Since the day that Haru rejected him, he felt like nothing else in the world mattered, but now he realized just how wrong he was. Of course the world mattered. Yes, it was sad Haru didn’t want to be friends anymore, but he still had other friends – Nagisa, Rei, Gou, Rin – and his beloved family. He felt so dumb for forgetting all of this. So dumb and guilty.

Hours later and when his family left; Rei, Nagisa and Gou arrived. Nagisa was also dramatically crying and asking for forgiveness for being such a shitty friend, but then Rei nagged at him for making this about him instead of Makoto, Gou told him she was glad he was receiving the help he much needed, but also nagged at him saying that all this could have been prevented if he just had gone for help earlier. Makoto just smiled and nodded. He knew she was right, now that he slept without disturbance for days, his brain was more conscious and could recognize when he fucked things up.

The three friends were talking happily between them, telling Makoto what had happened since he was in the hospital, how the training was going and what were their expectations of the next tournament.

Makoto wanted to ask how his accident - breaking his leg and all that – happened, but he still didn’t feel like talking or even wanting to hear it.

“Hey, what time is it?” Gou asked suddenly.

“Mmm, it’s exactly 4 p.m., Gou-kun” Rei replied after checking his watch.

“Oh, no! We must go!” Nagisa seemed concerned. What was happening?

The brunette guessed his face reflected his confusion because Gou then said “Oh, Makoto-senpai, it’s nothing, it’s just that we need to go and… do stuff” she waved her hand in the air, as if trying to make her point even more clear.

“Yes! Swimming stuff!” Rei corroborated, his body looked tense.

“Swimming stuff for swimming people!” Nagisa replied.

This people suck at lying.

Makoto let go a sigh and a nervous smile that he hoped reassured his friends it was ok to just go.

“Well, see you tomorrow, Makoto-senpai!” Gou said while walking to the door.

But when she was about to open it, it did by itself, making the group to gasp.

“Haruka-senpai!” the girl said.

Oh, no.

“We were just leaving, Haru-chan” Nagisa sounded nervous.

Please, don’t.

“That’s right, Haruka-senpai, we will just go” Rei said with a nervous laugh.

Please, don’t leave Makoto alone.

Haru simply nodded with his monotonous and inexpressive face, as the group of friends exited the room closing the door behind them. Makoto and Haru were staring at each other.

The green-eyed couldn’t just pretend to be asleep now, not when the water-boy just saw him talking with the others. The blue-eyed student walked to him, pulled a chair closer and then sat down, still staring at him.

“How are you?” he asked.

Makoto didn’t respond, he felt he was about to cry.

“You still can’t talk?” how did he know that? Oh, right, maybe Nagisa and the others told him “but I see you can move” it was obvious because Makoto was sitting instead of laying on the bed “I’m glad” a minuscule smile formed on his lips.

Please don’t do this, Haru.

They stayed in silence for hours, or was it minutes? There wasn’t a clock in the room, which made everything seem painfully eternal. The brunette would turn his face away, look at the other way, move a little in his place and play with his thumbs, he was so uncomfortable he just wanted to explode right there and stop existing. Haru continued to stare at him, not missing any movement or sound the patient did.

“Is your leg good?” the water-boy talked. Makoto recognized what he was trying to do, he was trying to make conversation, something that Haru pretty much sucked by himself. He would laugh if his heart wasn’t crying already.

So he simply nodded, without looking at him.

“Good” and more silence.

“I’ve been reading about sleeping and dreaming” he said suddenly “there are a lot of studies about it, I didn’t know”

Makoto just wished for Haru to go away.

“A book said that dreams were reflections of our fears or what we wanted”

Makoto just wished for Haru to stop talking.

“Another book said nightmares were the representation of our problems”

What the hell is he trying to do?

“Do you still have nightmares, Makoto?”

The questioned was clenching his fists on the white bed sheet and moved the head on a negative. His eyes started to burn so he closed them.

“Good, then that could mean you already solved your problem, Makoto”

He could feel the tears were about to go down through his face. He didn’t want to cry.

Not in front of him.

“Even though we never had the chance to talk”

His heart stopped and his hands froze.

What?

“But I’m glad everything is fine now, Makoto” this time the brunette opened his eyes and looked at his classmate.

Haru was smiling.

“Everything will be alright now” he moved his hand and placed it over the green-eyed’s shoulder.

What is happening?

They—

They never talked?

His whole body was trembling and a scream wanted to get out of his body but a knot on his throat kept it inside.

“I need to go now” Haru announced and got up.

No, wait.

“I’ll come back tomorrow” he pushed the chair to its rightful place.

Don’t go now.

“Later, Makoto” he walked to the door and grabbed the knob.

“Haru!”

The called stopped instantly and turned his face to Makoto. Haru’s face mirrored something like confusion and impressiveness.

“Makoto?” he replied, still not believing what he heard.

“Haru, don’t go” his voice was raspy and cracking. His hands once again clenching the sheet “I—I need answers”

The water-boy looked at him for seconds and then went back next to the patient.

“What is it?”

“We… we never talked?” Haru’s face looked puzzled.

“No, we didn’t, don’t you remember?”

“No, I can’t” he closed his eyes “I… I remember going to your house, that day, I was going upstairs and—“

“You fell” he interrupted. Makoto looked at him with shock in his eyes.

“I… I fell?”

“You fell downstairs, you fell asleep” his monotonous voice shook just a little “that day, you didn’t come to my house, so I went outside to see if you were out and then I saw you on the floor. You were unconscious, that’s how you broke your leg”

Then all those three days were just some dream? No, a nightmare.

“But now you’re getting the help you need, Makoto, so everything will be ok” his voice sounded almost like excited.

“Haru”

“Yes?”

“We need to talk” his voice now was cracking and he was sure tears were streaming from his eyes.

“Oh, ok, I’ll hear yo—“

“I love you, Haru”

The absence of sound.

Silence.

Sometimes it’s like a curse, other times it’s like a blessing, and sometimes it just happens without any reason at all.

And sometimes it’s just Haru’s response to everything.

“I know”

But not this time.

Makoto looked at him.

“W-what do you mean by that?” his voice was trembling.

“I know that you love me” he replied as if it was just plain obvious.

“But… but how? Why?”

“I thought you knew I know” Makoto moved his head in a negative.

“No, I—“

“I love you too” faint red color appeared on Haru’s cheeks “I thought you knew that”

“How… how am I suppose to know that?!”

“I knew you love me”

“But I never told you anything about it!” Haru this time sat down in the bed, still looking at Makoto.

“You don’t have to tell me everything to know what is going on, like I don’t have to tell you everything for you to know what is going on” he stared in silence for a moment “I thought we both knew that”

Makoto covered his face when tears started to overflow again.

“All this time…”

“Is something wrong?” Haru clearly couldn’t understand what was going on inside the brunette’s head.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I told you, I thought you already knew” Makoto uncovered his face.

“But you didn’t think it was weird that we weren’t dating or something?” his face was so red he could bet he looked like a joke.

“Oh, I thought we were taking things slow, because of school and everything”

This was so ridiculous.

If Nagisa were here, he would laugh his ass off at how ridiculous this is.

Makoto had imagined this moment way more dramatic than it was actually happening.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend, Makoto?”

The student just looked at him, letting his tears roam fall free.

“Yes, Haru, I want to be your boyfriend”

The blue-eyed smiled and Makoto couldn’t help but smile too.

“Then can I kiss you, Makoto?”

“Haru!” the red on his face got worse, this was so embarrassing, but “… yes, you can” he said in a whisper.

Makoto closed his eyes and in seconds he was able to feel Haru’s lips over his.

And everything felt alright and good.

Makoto didn’t have any problem to sleep since then.


	10. Epilogue

"You are dating JUST now?" 

Rin's voice was a mix of angry and exasperation.

Two weeks later, Makoto was finally discharged from the hospital and the group of friends were celebrating at his house. They were sitting in the brunette's bedroom.

“You've been acting like an old married couple since I know you!" Rin continued to talk "You are fucking ridiculous, both of you, shit"

"Don't you think you are kind of over reacting, Rin?" Makoto said with an embarrassed smile.

They had announced their relationship to their friends the very next day at the hospital.

"To be honest, I also was surprised, Mako-chan, Haru-chan" Nagisa laughed "I mean, I knew you weren't, like, OFFICIALLY dating but kind of doing it?"

"I think we all did" Gou said with a nervous giggle "but we just assumed and never asked"

"Then everyone knew except for me?" Makoto was honestly surprised.

"Sometimes we are so inside our heads that we don't notice what is around us" Gou concluded, closing her eyes with a serious face.

"Even I thought it, Makoto-senpai" Rei confessed with a guilty face "that you were kind of dating"

Everyone laughed at Makoto's expense, except for Haru who was drinking soda, and the green-eyed student couldn't do nothing but agree with them. Even the water-boy knew what was going on inside his heart, Haru had read him like an open book, with no problem or trouble whatsoever. He, on the other hand, was so busy pretending his "I-only-like-Haru-as-a-friend" charade - and even failing because everyone knew - that he didn't notice Haru's feelings towards him.

"Anyways, Makoto, when are you gonna go back to school? Classes started some days ago, didn't they?" Rin asked.

"Ah, Dr. Higuchi, my doctor, said it would be fine to go next week, and not only that, but I'll be able to swim just fine" he smiled "I'm really happy about it, I'm getting bored in here"

"I'm so jealous of you, Makoto" Nagisa complained "being able to skip school AND having a boyfriend, not fair"

"It's not like Makoto-senpai is happy of having a broken leg, Nagisa-kun" Rei corrected him.

"Yeah, I know, but at least he has a cute boyfriend to smooch his leg" he grinned, teasing Makoto whose face turned red.

"Nagisa, stop!" he yelled in embarrassment and the blond and red-hair boy laughed at him.

Hours later, the group of friends said their goodbyes, leaving Haru and Makoto alone - "Makoto, remember to go slowly, don't forget your broken leg when getting busy" Rin said when leaving the room, much to Makoto's disdain -. 

"Ahhh" a sigh came out from the brunette "I know they are just joking, but I can only take that much embarrassment" his face was still red.

"Did you have fun?" Haru asked while making a knot on the garbage bag he used to clean up.

"Yes, I did, Haru" he smiled, watching his partner "whose idea was it?"

"I told Gou" Makoto stared at him, a little surprised.

"Thank you, Haru. And thank you for coming"

"Of course" he left the bag on the floor and then sat down next to Makoto, on the bed, and lastly took his hand, all of this without looking at the taller boy. The green-eyed student giggled.

"Everyone knew about this except for me, it seems" Haru nodded "was I that obvious?"

"A little"

"Ahhhh, how embarrassing, all these years trying to--"

"Years?" he interrupted and looked at his companion.

"A-Ah, well!" he scratched his head with the free hand "it was so sudden, to be honest, I just kind of woke up one day and thought "jeez, I'm in love with Haru" maybe around when we were twelve years old or something" he laughed nervously "what about you, Haru?"

"I knew it since we were eight years old"

"Eh?! You knew you were in love with me since then?!" his face reflected shock.

"No, I knew you were in love with me since we were eight years old" the blue-eyed replied with his monotonous voice, as if nothing.

"Me?! Since eight years old? How is it possible for you to know that even before me?" he was honestly surprised.

"I just did" he shrugged and then looked at the other "and I knew we would be together" Makoto blushed.

"Since then?"

"Since then"

"How did you know?" his voice was now soft.

"It was obvious" the brunette felt his hand being squeezed by Haru "you and me, it's obvious"

Makoto looked at those deep clear eyes of his classmate, so full of emotions Haru couldn't express with words but trusted in his heart that Makoto could read. And he was right.

The majority of people believed that the water-boy is someone who usually is lost in thoughts of water and mackerel, but Makoto knew better. He knows that this boy was really deep, in his own style, and full of wisdom and abilities so great he couldn't even begin to describe.

"Yes, Haru" he smiled "it's obvious"

"Can I kiss you, Makoto?"

"Are you gonna ask every single time you do it?!" much more embarrassment.

"You wanting to kiss me is important for me to kiss you, Makoto" Haru is always like this, so concerned about other's wellness.

"It's ok, Haru, you can kiss me"

"And are we going to have sex? Not right now, you can't, but later I mean"

"Haru!" he wanted to yell but restricted himself, so his family wouldn’t hear them.

“I read the other day about something else” he let go of Makoto’s hand and lifted his own, with the index fingers pointing up.

“Haru, no”

“It’s called frotting, did you know it? It’s when the two pen—“ he made his fingers to touch each other.

“Haru, can you—“

“There’s also the blowjob, when you open your mouth and—“

“Stop, Haru”

“Or just handj—“

“Haru!” this time he covered the other’s mouth, his cheeks felt like burning from all the blood it was in them, his voice was trembling “Haru, let’s not talk about this for the moment, alright? It’s fine like this” he took his hand “like this, it’s good” and kissed him softly “and this, this is also good, I like it” Haru stared at him.

“Ok” Makoto smiled widely “this now, sex later”

“HARU”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it!! 
> 
> As you can guess, the main theme on this story was dreams and nightmares, and how something that seems so little can actually affect a whole lot of shit hahahaha!
> 
> I've always thought that if Haru and Makoto confessed to each other it would be pretty awkward, embarrassing and ridiculous, because they are both dorks!
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for accompany me in this story! I so hope you liked it because I had fun writing it!
> 
> Feel free to comment, I would really appreciate constructive critiques because it's been YEARS since I had written something seriously!
> 
> See you next story!


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